I really don’t have worldly ambitions.
You should never trust someone who writes that. 🤣
However, I’d say that the scale of what I desire has dramatically shifted to a life of simplicity. It was nearly impossible to see how that would happen when I left the church in my 20s — so I made place be the answer. Yet wherever you go, there you are greeted me when I landed. It’s tough for beauty to make its mark when I carried around a chaotic, anxious mind.
That was then. Now when arrive, I say AWESOME! I love who I am. I love my company and having my entire day to do with as I please. I love the sun on my skin (my UPS guy commented that I was the only one in the entire state reading outside on a lounger in 45 degree weather. Gotta power up the solar panels, I replied) and meeting all kinds of interesting people during the rare times I venture off the mountain. I love this world and the beauty that greets me every day, even if it’s just the sun blazing through a crystal on my windowsill, first thing in the morning. I love being a human, knowing that I’ll only be here for less than a blink and then I’m gone.
I deserve this now, after all the ways I made myself suffer. I thought I had to — religion told me so, love told me so, the suffering starving artist said so. That’s what made it real.
Okay. Fine. That was another story. Had to live it — but now I’m done with that movie. Deserving isn’t even the right word — it’s accepting life on my terms. It’s seeing the God I created may not have been the one with my best interests at heart. I’m working on creating a new one — a greater understanding beyond the long-range effect of childhood indoctrination. I’m allowing myself to be the happy person I’ve always been. I’m saying Do whatever you want, Raven even if it means I simply wish to be alone and read books, listen to fascinating interviews and bake a new type of bread. I reject any vision of what my life SHOULD or COULD be from anyone else. It’s not for anyone to create — but me.
Staying happy in a world that says I should be miserable, rattled, constantly on, concerned about every little drama.
Choosing to stay in the comfort of the moment and not obsessively trying to figure out my “future” (difficult when you’re a reader but…)
Imagining the add-ones that will enhance my life – then making lunch, going for a walk, diving into another book.
The simple life: it’s mine to do with as I please.