Many, many women – and a few men – have come to me over the years when they are on the cusp of a divorce.
I’ve never been married. I don’t have kids. I appreciate the trust! 😂
Their fear is not having money — despite coming from wealthy circumstances, for the most part. Certainly when children come into play, their wellbeing is a far greater concern.
Yet it is lack of money — and love a close second — that gnaws at their mind.
If we were to scratch away the surface, the larger fear is not having someone to care for them – or vice versa. They are so used to giving up their lives for someone else (i.e: sacrifice, control, laziness, lying to themselves) that when they are faced with BEING ALONE, it terrifies them.
If being alone terrifies you, be grateful for your divorce. It is the first step in your freedom.
Money is a convenient — though understandable — excuse. A certain level of comfort is there — though they’ve paid the price in many other ways — and a strong resistance to change in the checkbook. My life is not bad. So many people would want this life. Who am I to complain?
Death is also a excuse. I’m not going to leave until she/he dies or If I leave, they will die/harm themselves and Death is like, Don’t make me the bad guy. I’ll be there soon enough!
Another fear is not finding love again. They’ve been so starved in their marriage that they can’t imagine what it would feel like to be seen again. At times true love showed up while they were still married — but they were unable to move beyond their constraints of religion, societal/parental approval or were emotionally damaged, so they destroyed that relationship, rather than the one that needed to go.
I listen to these stories and empathize. We create amazing puzzles for ourselves in this life — and it’s up to us to find our way out. I never advise a client to divorce or not divorce, even if it’s screaming at me in the cards. It’s not my job. The choice is up to them.
What I can share after nearly 20 years of sessions and thousands of clients is that NOT ONE of my clients has returned and said, I regret my divorce. If anything, they regret the lost years spent in their marriage. My clients have remarried or are happily single, create, learn new things, travel, spend time with their kids, go back to school or simply enjoy their life, possibly for the first time.