Loneliness.

So many of my clients – especially the single but also those in dying/dead marriages — tell me that they’re lonely.

I’m lonely, too, I assure them. I understand. I think we’re all lonely.

This time of change/chaos only enhances that feeling but I’ve dealt with it for the majority of my life, so nothing new. I have never really belonged on this planet and created life experiences to point out that fact. Why? To stop running, heal my traumas and deal with my loneliness.

I’ve been single most of my adult life and extremely independent. The trade off is loneliness — though I have a sense that most marriages are two lonely people trying to understand each other and failing, for the most part — though souls don’t see it as failure, just experience. We spend most of our lives running from ourselves but guess who will be there when we walk away from the marriage or friendship or state? Our self — and loneliness.

I’ve come to see loneliness as a friend who is able to show us how strong we are. How capable. How, after all of the meditation we squirmed through and the rage at ex-lovers and the times of rapturous ascent — all of those times keep us sane and steady now when the world breaks apart in loneliness. We are able to say I have you, I’ll always take care of you, things are working out so well and finally mean it. We’ll have the friends who truly see us and the person we love most crawling into bed with us at night: ourselves.

I read that God was so lonely after eons of evolution by itself that God decided to break apart in endless pieces, extending into the Universe. Those little pieces are our souls, experiencing lifetime after lifetime where we forget that we are One with God/everything until we die but no harps for me, thanks — just laughter, friendship and never feeling alone again.