SHIVAYA WELLNESS

Over on Twitter today, some folks are in a frenzy about Occupy Wall Street. It makes me wonder how much of this anger is justified, and how much of it is a release of our own helpless rage. A need to feel righteous, blow a gasket, make someone the enemy. The bankers. The tyrants. Men. Our mother-in-law.

We choose stress. Every time we open the newspaper, engage in a fight with our partner, bitch about our life and become our parents, we choose stress. It doesn’t choose us.

Everything is a choice, including our first cup of coffee that can either bless or ruin a day.

Actively being engaged in our lives does not require luring in stressful situations. However, stress can often be confused for “living”. I had a client recently ask me if our own personal drama invites even more. Yes, it does. Stress is seductive. It gets the blood pumping. Makes us froth with worry. It gives a reason to yell at the TV or quietly simmer at our children. It provides a well-lit stage for the unaddressed wounds of our childhood.

And whatever or whoever triggers us, becomes the villain.

Lately, I’m seeing huge amounts of stress in sessions, which usually blasts out from a ton of Fire/Wands or a litany of Air/Swords. It’s not just from personal situations but also an absorption of world events and the “collective unconscious”, which I consider the unresolved Universal lessons that can often feel like a shitstorm.

It’s not an easy time, for sure.

However, here are 5 nuggets that I can offer you when it comes to dealing with stress.

1. Learn to separate and identify the issues of your own life from the lives of others. This includes your partner, family, friends, co-workers, spiritual teachers and the checkout girl at Price Chopper. Just because you are sensitive/intuitive/have a good heart does not require you to soak up the drama of others. This does not heal them — and it only makes you sick. There is plenty to examine in your own life, even though it can be much easier to try and “fix” someone else.

2. Stress is avoidable. It is our reaction to what we consider stressful situations that creates the drama. For example, I looked at my bank account today. The numbers do not please me. I could engage in my usual mousewheel of worry — or choose to remain in the faith of the moment. This takes a lifetime of practice, so be easy on yourself. It’s all about our reaction and the next step after. And the next step after that. 

3. Stop engaging in situations that seem pertinent but are pointless. Shut off the TV. Stop listening to the endless newscycle of doom and gloom that are the machinations of a crafty few and very much depend on your angry reaction to feed the monster.

There is wisdom in choosing your battles — or stepping away from war altogether. The only thing you can change is yourself, your reaction to the world and what you consider “injustice”. If what you see is an unfair system, be even more fair in your dealings with others. If you think the world is going to hell in a handbasket, consider whether you are holding a match. Don’t get addicted to apocalypse porn.

4. Dream it into being. Rather than fritter away your time imagining the perfect comeback to an angry conversation, imagine the best-case scenario. Many of my clients are experiencing “no-win” situations. Angry bosses, distant partners, addicted children. We can choose to spend the same amount of time frustrated and angry, projecting all over the place, or engage our minds through visualizing the ideal. What makes this work is if you actually believe in the power of the mind. So often we are trained to ask, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Practice saying, “What’s the best that can happen?” All things change. No one has the ability to stop the natural cycle of endings and beginnings.

I recently had a dream where my father and I stood in his empty childhood home, looking at an ancient picture of my mom’s family. He told me about the endless drama he once had with them, and we laughed over it. He said, “They’re all dead now. All of that energy, and none of the players are here anymore.” It was as if the anguish never happened, fading away like that old picture in his hand, as the drama between us will one day cease.

We can un/consciously feed the drama of our lives on a daily basis. It’s good to ask: for what reason — and at what cost — are we engaging in stress, when someday it will all cease to be?

Dream the ideal into being. It keeps your hungry mind moving in a positive arena, while supporting your body in healthy ways.

5. And on that note, it’s all about your body. Stress weighs heavily. We know this. Don’t take her for granted and think that she can handle a constant baseline of stress. As faithful as she is, she will find ways to release the pressure laid upon her so that you can continue to exist. Rather than waiting to see in what manner she will release the stress, be good to her right now. Speak kindly. Eat well. Get plenty of rest. Give her what she needs — and if you don’t know what that is, spend time finding out. Stop chastising her for whatever you think she should be/look/act – and note how you treat her on a daily basis. She is an eager warrior, so be aware of what you ask/command. And be sure to thank her every day– constantly — for the innumerable ways she keeps you whole and sane.

Stress is an option. So is a peaceful existence.