13. June 2011 · 8 comments · Categories: blog · Tags: , , , ,

Moving. I’m an expert at it.

I have the unending morass of my childhood to thank. It planted in me a sense of desperation to break free and breathe. What kept me alive during those difficult years? A battered Appalachian trail guide and emergency survival kit. I promised myself that I’d trace the entire AT once I left home for good.

Instead, I moved all over the U.S. after college — Cape Cod, Colorado, Jersey City, NYC (Brooklyn, South Bronx, UES), Hudson river towns, Portland OR, Las Vegas, Florida, Vermont.

If I had a hankering for say, the West Coast, I’d fit whatever I could in my hatchback and go. This was after months of silent contemplation — but I always made it look like I was doing it on the fly.

Some of the moves were just to move. Some were for love. Some to run away. (A memorable one was in the dead of the night, a 350 Honda hitched to my Tercel with a mewking Avery in the front seat). Some were the “fuck you, you’ll miss me” pack ups. A few were purely economical. Other moves were opportunities I couldn’t pass up. A couple were the lick-my-wounds kind.

Most of them took me to places where I didn’t know a soul. There was so much pleasure in starting fresh, building a life and finding my way. I needed to prove something: to my perfectionist father and the emerging woman. I needed to learn about courage, over and over again.

This was freedom to me. More »

We can always blindly hope for perfection.

But here on this particular plane, it is of great value to intuitively recognize the difference between compromise and settling.

Ever come across these scenarios?

Deeply knowing 10 minutes/days/weeks before your wedding that this isn’t right … but say “I do” just to please everyone else?

Toil in a boring to loathsome job in fear of losing benefits/less $$$/leaping into the unknown to follow your heart’s desire?

Remain in a marriage/relationship that has long passed its expiration date?

Stay stuck in a home/city/state?

Run away from someone who truly cares because you’re afraid of losing your “freedom”?

Sit week after week in a church whose doctrines turn your stomach but you’re afraid of being ostracized by the flock?

Tolerate a partner’s abuse/dismissal/self-absorption because it’s better than being alone?

To settle  -> to offer your beautiful life in sacrifice to a less-than ideal and hope someday that it gets better.

It doesn’t.

More »

02. September 2010 · Comments Off · Categories: blog · Tags: , , , , , , ,

I asked my heart what she wanted this morning. Truly. I said, “Heart, what do you want?”

A word to the wise: only ask your heart if you’re ready for an answer. Because she will. It may take time, but she will. Again and again and again.

As I sat in my “dreaming chair” (a weathered Adirondack overlooking the mountains) and sipped green tea, I was the perfect picture of crunchy happiness in the early morning. I waited.

It didn’t take long. The usual suspects came first. Love. A girlfriend. An easy flow. A rockin’ business.

While they were nice answers, I grew suspicious. This was starting to sound all too familiar. I knew that voice –my chatty Gemini mind. But I patiently listened until she was through, went inside, put on my bathing suit and read this. Then I drove down to the river.

As soon as my feet touched water, that’s when my heart opened up. And man, did she speak. More »