Karen Hager asked the other night if I still consider myself a Christian.
I don’t — but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up faith.
No doubt, the tangles of the fundamentalist community caused much suffering. No one wanted me to be gay, including myself. (Read all about my angst here.) Faith meant to distrust mind and heart, but also have belief in Jesus and the redemption found in the cross, the ultimate symbol of suffering. Faith that we’d all be in heaven someday — if we made the cut. “Truth” meant in Christ only.
Not in myself. In fact, I was taught to highly disregard and hold my life in constant suspicion.
Though I left the church in my mid-20s, I still needed to find my way back to faith – not the faith I once learned but the faith that has carried me through every moment of this life. The faith in which I was born (again).
Truth — my truth — walks as closely as faith. They are, hand-in-hand, my guides.
It’s a curious thing that Jesus didn’t answer Pilate when he asked, “What is truth?”
Well, what is faith?
It was drilled into me that faith is belief in that which is unseen. That was a tough row to hoe, as I’m a tangible kind of girl.
However, if God exists in all of us — if we are the walking, talking version– then we can have faith in our being. Our being which is God. (Shivaya means I bow to the God/truth in you.) No religion has a lock on faith. Faith exists and is freely available to all. It doesn’t require any other labels.
Faith: the absolute, ultimate commitment. To whom? You.
Faith: believing that you can actively heal yourself — even from a serious lack of faith.
Faith: having the courage to live your life in the fullest way possible — then actually do it.
“Possible”, of course, is whatever possibility means to you. Which is where unseen nicely comes into play. Envisioning the life of your dreams as the life of now.
Even when the money is perpetually tight.
Even when our partner turns away.
Even when we walk with unanswered questions, undiagnosed lumps and the weariness of daily existence.
Faith can never be shaken once we trust in our presence. To say, yes, I’m here. To live your life in a way that is summarily satisfactory. And then choose to end and begin again.
Faith really isn’t about why you are here, though it’s an excellent topic to examine.
Faith is the unshakable belief in your essence. You are here because you are here. You chose this particular ride, after all.
The trick, the magic, the opening, is to walk every step — in faith.