In the Classroom of the Crone

05. July 2011 · 5 comments · Categories: blog · Tags: , , , , , ,

Neck muscles like ropes.

Red hair flowing down well past her shoulders.

Body tight, with the carriage of a dancer.

I mentioned that I didn’t feel comfortable doing a headstand since I was on my period.

“Oh, I’m so old, I wouldn’t know anything about that,” she joked.

Old? I thought. She couldn’t have been past 55. Here she was, with her enviable body teaching a yoga class while believing she was old.

Obviously in jest. But I could tell by the way she emphasized “old” that she meant it. Felt it. As if menopause wiped out every remembrance of youth.

Her statement added one more to the plethora I’ve heard from women in their 50s on up. And since I am less than a decade from that decade, I pay attention.

What these women don’t realize is that I listen.

They are the matriarchy for me. More »

Someday The Past Will Heal

19. June 2011 · 2 comments · Categories: blog · Tags: , , , , , ,

Someone clear across the continent found my site through this keyword search: someday the past will heal.

Does the past ever heal?

I’m not sure if it does. That may surprise you, considering the work I’m in. Heal often means “Go away”, “Forget about it”, “That was years ago!”, “Let’s not talk about it”, “Water under the bridge”, “Oh, get over it! Haven’t you been grieving long enough?”

Those wounds have to go somewhere, so the body will absorb them while the mind creates and repeats a story to keep them alive. Survival instincts.

Once we begin to heal our bodies, become more conscious and outgrow the stories, we come to a place of compassion for ourselves. In my own life, it’s taken me decades to make friends with my anger, to really listen to what she’s trying to tell me. It’s so uncomfortable acknowledging this. I’d rather see myself as a woman of constant equilibrium (ha!)

Coming to terms with my anger doesn’t negate what went down in the past — but when I see myself as an active participant in my own life, it makes more sense. What went down got me here.

Here, right now — human, happy and whole. More »

From a Year Ago: Meditations on Gray Hair

24. May 2011 · 11 comments · Categories: blog · Tags: , ,

{Still apropos for my birthday month this year — and I hope you enjoy and embrace your grays with me.}

In May, I’ll turn 40 — and like any good Gemini, have been 40 for this past year (I call 39 the “drive-by” year). With the approaching new decade comes gray hair. I’m not talking a few strands–I had those in my early 30s. I’m talking swaths of gray; around my right ear and long lines of white all through the front and back. My NYC stylist was right when she told me not to pluck when I was 28. I scoffed and knew my hair would always be raven black. Blue-black. The hair everyone commented on when I’d go to the salon. Thick, dark with a silky coarseness from my Mexican ancestors.

Man, am I vain about my hair. You’d never know it since I’m a wash-and-go kind of girl…but I am vain. Happily vain, proudly vain–until I look in the mirror. Then I slowly lean forward and say, what. in. the. hell. is. this? I’ll run my hands through and see the cascading silver (straight on, no yellowing). I’ll flip it back and forth, seeing that the right has more than the left, not even daring to look in the back. I see the streaks in the front that were long in coming but are here, welcoming my 40s.

I joke about making my gray hair part of my spiritual practice but it’s actually true. I’ve had to dig deep and figure out what’s been bothering me about this change. (I’m even bothered by admitting that I’m bothered!) I don’t wear makeup. I’ve never dyed or permed my hair–ever. I’m easy with my style, thanks to living in VT. I have a pretty clean, organic diet. I’m all about body love and Goddess energy. So, what gives? More »

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