SHIVAYA WELLNESS

{It always bears asking: what is true wealth? When times are tough financially — which is often in my life — I have to remind myself of this question. “Richness” is a vignette from The Reluctant Tarot Reader. Enjoy.}

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One friend has $700 worth of repairs on her car.

Another wonders how she’ll pay the rent to keep her cafe open.

Another has stopped eating meat because she can’t afford to buy it.

And another is blazing forward with her intuitive biz, better than ever.

I’m all for Abraham and the ‘law of attraction’. I love positive thinking — but not at the expense of acknowledging struggle.

Struggle is different from wallow. Struggle is empathy because yeah, I’ve been there. Time and time again.

Saturn is here roaming around my chart in this particular lifetime to teach me about money. Which means I’ve known wealth–and long for it again.

I’ve had to re-think and re-tune my ideas of richness, though. I wouldn’t be living in VT if I wanted to be successful on a strictly green basis. This is the state of healing, good vibes and gorgeous vistas. Not necessarily the land of fat cats & fatter wallets. Of course, it gives me pause when I hear about friends and the ensuing frustration when I can’t write a check to help them out. Wouldn’t that be great?

I want life to be easy. For them. For me. I’ve known plenty of rich people who struggle in their souls–but that doesn’t make me feel any better.

Hey, I’m not going to be one of those healers who’s all la-la about abundance. Not having money sucks.

I wonder why we’ve chosen this particular piece of paper to make the world go round?

I wonder what we can do to ease the stress of expense?

Sure, there are ways of being frugal. Or ways of spending like you don’t care. Or staying somewhere in the middle. But it’s the sense of ‘not enough’ that haunts. Where does that come from?

My needs are always met. Always. And when it comes to money, my bills are paid. It may be at the very last minute that cash arrives, but it comes. I have to keep reminding myself, though. It’s like I have this perpetual amnesia when it comes to fulfillment — or maybe I have a slight addiction to worry.

Either way, I keep being shaped by living in a world that requires money. It’s pretty odd. This year, I’ve made it my goal to be more like water, less like rock. To willingly receive support — whether financial or other — and make this ride smoother. 2011 is the year of smoothness. That includes coinage.

The law of attraction can’t work until I have compassion for where I am, right now. And that is a life well-lived with a pretty low bank account at the moment (“low” being a relative word, of course.) That contrast is either a thorn in my side or the magical place where everything transforms (5 of Pentacles, anyone?)

Because I do love the essence of money. I do love the ease it brings. I love tipping well. I especially love a Saab, Audi or BMW convertible. I love beauty–and money gives me access to certain types of beauty. I love paying my bills and having plenty left over.

And I love how Saturn teaches me to stay in place long enough for the lesson. If I resist, he just hangs around even longer until I finally get it. It’s about always having what I need but acknowledging the struggle. Enhancing the picture. You can still have enough while enhancing the picture. It doesn’t take away from the fundamental beauty and form. Every painter knows that.

Every painter also knows when it’s finished — or time to move onto another work (I’m the type that usually barrels through, tearing out my hair until it’s done. Big surprise.) The ‘law of attraction’ may not resonate for you. So what? Find what works. Find what brings ease. Trade in your car. Refinance. Be grateful for every little thing. This works wonders for an anxious mind.

Know that this too, shall pass. It always does.

Or just look up at the beautiful sky, take a breath and say, “Gimme the money, honey!”