I’ve been running in the metaphysical world for so long that when people mention ghosts, “weird” occurrences or fearfully return to the Tarot, I don’t even blink.

In my essay, “It’s Never Too Weird” from The Reluctant Tarot Reader, I mention how some clients are apologetic and often wince when revealing their latent psychic abilities — and I soon laugh with them after pointing out my various Tarot accoutrements. However, I understand the need to hide behind a rationale facade after dealing with religious pressure and/or scornful voices, both inner and outer. We’re taught in this convoluted world to poo-poo anything that can’t be seen or touched — a prescient dream, for example — yet the majority believe in angels or some form of “God”.

I grew up in an evangelical community who taught me two important lessons: be discerning and have faith. They drilled a sense of distrust for anything that didn’t match up to their particular brand of Christianity, and also the need for absolute faith.

Same goes for intuitive ability. Be discerning and have faith. What I’ve learned over the years is that if you’ve got the gift of “seeing” — in whatever form it manifests — it doesn’t go away. It waits. Perpetual reminders will come — for example, strangers who say that you are a healer or recalling whispered moments with your grandmother over a Tarot spread. In the midst of your shame or discomfort, your gifts wait to be used.

Why? For what purpose? To heal. To guide. To warn. To understand that there is more than this physical existence (and I hope Peggy Lee agrees now…wherever she may be.)

What do past lifetimes have to do with this fear, this reluctance to embrace our intuitive gifts? Everything. The fear from certain clients is palpable — hell, even with people I meet after they find out what I do — and I can’t help but think that it emanates from a previous experience. You know, the burned-at-the-stake-or-beheaded kind of experience. The Crusades. The Salem Witch Trials.

You get my drift.

The fear of invasion, torture and punishment still remains in our etheric memory. It reminds me of the story of a British woman who had a stroke and immediately started speaking fluent German after recovery, though she hadn’t known a word beforehand. What do we actually remember? Where does it remain in us — and how does it affect us presently?

I’ve had to work through my own issues of being a reader/psychic/intuitive, especially when I’m out in public. I’m uncomfortable being exposed because it almost feels dangerous — more than the fear of being laughed at or dismissed. It’s an anxiety that I’ll be “known” and it will place me in some sort of danger.

Now, I realize it isn’t the 1600s anymore. No one is going to throw me in jail for being a Tarot reader (at least not in Vermont). I have a very good reputation in the community. I feel safe here. Still, this nagging sense of exposure stays with me.

I recently had a massage with an awesome healer who can sense past lifetimes while touching the body. She told of one particular lifetime where I had been a scholar and the head of a cloister with like-minded sisters. We hid ancient knowledge in our writings and attempted to keep them safe for future generations. There was a vicious invasion led by religious men who destroyed our books and killed us (and lord knows what else). The interesting twist? One or two of these men are now part of my present family and trying to make amends.

The greatest lesson? That knowledge still exists in me, no matter how many bodies I inhabit and shed. Apparently, I am finding my sisters once again in this lifetime to remember: knowledge ultimately cannot be destroyed — and this is the time to share it.

This has brought some peace to my secretive nature — and why I have an acute sense of “invasion”. It helps me share more of who I am while healing the past. It connects me to that inner knowledge and I begin to trust, again.

So, how can we deal with our fear of being an “out in the open” intuitive / psychic / healer?

1. Take it slow. Consider it a lifelong exploration.

2. Talk to healers and wild teachers who cross your path. Don’t dismiss them if they don’t fit your “picture” of what a teacher looks like.

3. Pay attention to the consistent reminders. This includes dreams, song fragments and “weird” occurrences.

4. Have faith, trust your path and be discerning. The “New Age” can often be the “Old Age”. Step carefully.

5. Most importantly, heal yourself. Heal your fears. Face your shame. Learn to nurture your being. Start there. Go no further until you grasp that in healing yourself, you become a great healer. It starts with you. Find out what it means to be devoted to your inner teacher. That’s the real guru – in you.